i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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