I am puke
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize