so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
