A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
