you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
