I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
