Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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