the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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