she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
should my penis look like a turkey
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
