How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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