Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
