Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
