are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
