"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
