Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
