Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
