So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
