I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
