I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
