my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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