So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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