I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
