i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
