The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
