She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
