I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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