i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
