She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize