LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
