We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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