Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every concussion has its silver lining
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
