I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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