Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
