I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
