I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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