I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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