quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
