I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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