2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
