Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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