38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
