hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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