I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
