I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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