I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
