my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
