did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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