remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
