If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
