Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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