I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
