thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
