i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
false alarm. still invincible.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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