I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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