ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
