be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
