I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
