my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize