Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
