I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize