if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
