It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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