PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
