I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
