Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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