Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
