Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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