You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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