You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
