we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
