you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
