I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize