also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
