Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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