i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
