Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
