to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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