Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
