Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
