dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
