Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
