My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
