I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
