Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
