I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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