I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
