I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
